So, the Oakland Raiders are 3-0 in NFL preseason football. Well, don”t bet the vineyard that this translates into any regular-season success.
But if you care to — and I can”t imagine why you would — you can go online and bet “Raiders +3” for their preseason game Friday night against the Detroit Lions.
Maybe I just haven”t been paying attention, but when did the gaming industry start giving point spreads on games that have no point? Preseason NFL games are played to see who can play and who on Tuesday will be told by the messenger known as “the Turk,” “Coach wants to see you … and bring your playbook!”
How can anyone seriously bet on the outcome of a game that the coaches and the players who”ve got locks on their jobs don”t take seriously?
We”re talking to San Francisco 49ers head coach Mike Nolan. Coach, who won last Sunday”s preseason game and what was the score?
“Umm, don”t tell me. Let”s see, it was against Oakland, right? Umm, score? Umm, you got me there. Dunno. But you gotta like the way Michael Robinson caught that pass and knocked that safety back on his heels in the fourth quarter.”
Who threw the pass? Who cares? If he”s playing in the fourth quarter, he”s a long shot to be there when the bell rings. You can get good odds on that.
You turn to the TV channel where the Indianapolis Colts are playing to see Peyton Manning air it out, but if it”s the second quarter you probably won”t see him. You”ll see see Jim Sorqi, Shaun King, Josh Betts or Mike McGann ? all guys you never heard of, all guys on the Colts” depth chart behind Manning, all guys you won”t see again once the real stuff begins, unless Manning breaks a leg.
To be fair, we”re curious enough to want to see how Heisman Trophy- winning running back Reggie Bush and quarterback Vince Young are stacking up against their hype, or, at the other extreme how another year of aging will affect Green Bay legend Bret Favre.
But, really, until the dudes who handicap the “over and under” and the “teasers” got hold of it, the only people who really liked the preseason were the owners, because it let them tack additional costs for a couple of meaningless games onto the price of the season ticket.
The schlockmeisters labeling Sunday”s Raiders-49ers exhibition “The Battle of the Bay” changed nothing. It was still “Boredom by the Bay,” at least for all of us who did not make a bundle on the score.
It”s a mad, mad, sad, bad, we”ve all been had world.
What next, when even bull riding gets on the big board in Vegas?
The oddsmakers have already gnawed their way into the Home Run Derby, which was never anything more than glorified “BP” (batting practice) in which bullpen coaches serve up gopher balls. And who do you like in the NBA”s Slamdunk competition next year and at what odds? If one-dimensional golf is your thing and you want to wager on it, Sportsbook can help you get something down on the long drive contest.
How much you willing to risk on the Little League World Series?
Some suggestions for what the oddsmakers might have missed …
— Which major league player spits the most sunflower seeds — or, if you prefer, just spits the most?
— Which pitcher goes to his crotch the most times in televised games to adjust his protective cup?
— Which NFL line moves the blocking sled the farthest?
— Which boxer gets the most tak-a-tas per minute on the speed bag?
— Which PGA or LPGA pro has the highest percentage of accuracy in holing the ball on the practice green?
— Who has the longest sustained warm-up volleys on the tennis court before a match begins?
— Being taken over by the oddsmakers and handicappers, sports in the minds of too many are becoming nothing more than numbers games.
Me? No way. Ten-to-one I”ll never wager on a preseason NFL game. Unless, of course, it”s a lock.
Editor”s note: John Lindblom, a former Bay Area beat reporter, is a sports writer for the Record-Bee.
