The groundhog saw his shadow back in early February. The Easter Bunny delivered his goods a few weeks ago. And now, with late April ready to turn into early May, it”s The Dawg”s turn to do his thing.
Whatever that thing happens to be.
If you”re a newcomer to Lake County, The Dawg is the county”s peerless and priceless pony prognosticator. A resident of a palatial estate on the northshore, recently renamed Dawgdome after its owner, The Dawg spends more time at satellite racing facilities than a fish spends in water, betting loads of cash on horses racing locally, nationally and even internationally.
If they were betting on penguin racing in Antarctica, this guy would be putting down money on the fastest waddler.
The Dawg”s success rate is pretty good. If it weren”t, he wouldn”t be driving his newest ride, a Buggati Type 41 Royale, which has a small cooler filled with Dom Perignon.
“I don”t keep Diet Pepsi in my ride, so you”re out of luck hickster,” The Dawg barked at me when I contacted him by phone on Monday for his official Kentucky Derby prediction, one that he can share with all our Record-Bee readers.
While The Dawg has hit a handful of Derby winners down through the years, the most recent being the ill-fated Barbaro two years ago, last year”s pick, Curlin, could do no better than third at Churchill Downs.
To be fair, Curlin won just about everything after the Derby, including the Preakness, and was recently named horse of the year after earning about $8 million, including my Kentucky Derby down-the-drain bet. But at the 2007 Derby, well, Curlin went the way of some of Dawg”s other less-memorable Derby picks, most notably Skippy the Wonder Rabbit (1999, ran backward out of the gate and circled track wrong way, but in first place).
There also was also Blind and Bombed (2001), a horse that was blind and drank tequila before each race. That horse finished 18th in a 17-horse field as one of the trainer horses beat him around the track; Three Legs (2003) really had three legs and finished 11th; and Yougottobekiddin (2005) was lost on the way to Kentucky, horse trailer and all, never to be seen again.
“I hate the way you remind me of my little bobbles,” The Dawg growled. “That”s why they call it gamblin” buddy, it ain”t no sure thing.”
After comparing notes with other members of The Dawg pound not yet incarcerated, most notably Harness Jim, The Dawg narrowed down the field for the 2008 Derby, which runs Saturday, and said he felt the final inspiration Monday.
“I was in the bathroom reading the Racing News, and then it hit me,” The Dawg said. “Colonel John.”
Colonel John probably won”t go off as the Derby favorite, snarled The Dawg, who likes the horse because of his recent Santa Anita Derby victory. He”s won four of six races to date and recently posted his best five-furlong time.
The Dawg does see some possible defects in Colonel John”s game, however, including no races on a dirt surface. Synthetic surface is the newest fad in horse racing and Colonel John will have to adjust the refined dirt of Kentucky to bring home the bacon.
“He might get demoted to Major John or even Captain John if he gets stuck in the dirt,” The Dawg chuckled in his devilishly dawgish way.
California horses don”t have a great track record in the Derby and the last California winner was Real Quiet in 1998.
Big Brown most likely will go off as the Derby favorite, The Dawg said, and Pyro “is the hottest horse,” no pun intended, according to his Dawgness.
The Dawg also has his long-shot pick, which is not to be confused with his official Derby pick, Colonel John.
If you like betting long, The Dawg thinks Z Fortune is your man, or, in this case, your horse.
The Dawg doesn”t like Anothertrampledjockey AlpoIX, Diesinstretch, Wrongwaysam, Lastalot, or Highspeedrailimpact.
“You bet on those guys, you”re nuts,” The Dawg said. “I wash my paws of it.”
Many have questioned The Dawg”s actual identity and occupation down through the years. I can”t really say much given my journalistic oath to this loathsome horse racing demi-God, but he does exist, he does know what he”s doing (when sober) and any links to him and organized crime are purely unfounded (at least for the most part). He”s never actually been convicted of a crime and the disappearance of material witnesses in those cases is purely coincidental.
“Listen sports boy, you make think your title as editor gives you some protection, and maybe legally it does in terms of what you call writing, but I”ve got friends who wouldn”t be impressed ? if you know what I mean. It”s a big lake, you know? And we can get you a lot easier than that coach who threatened to plant you a couple of weeks back.”
If The Dawg scores with his Colonel John pick, well, he will be the toast of this column next week. If not, he won”t.
“Hey, just remember, bub, you”re not the only game in town anymore,” The Dawg yipped. “There”s another online publication around, so I hear, and their editor is hell of a lot cuter than you. You keep it up, and I”m taking my business over there.”
And just like that, with a wisp of his knotty little tail, The Dawg packed up his racing forms, his laptop, his kibble and bits, and was gone, the Buggati roaring into the sunset.
