Imagine this, you”ve raised your children, you were actually enjoying the empty nest, you”ve retired or looking forward to retirement and all of a sudden you are staggered with the added responsibility of raising your grandchildren.
For many, this is not a daydream, it”s reality. This societal situation has grown to include about 626,000 children under the age of 18 in the state of California and the number is climbing.
Grandparents who are in this predicament tell themselves it isn”t how it was supposed to be. Adult children were once expected to at least help take care of their aging parents, not foist the extra burden of bringing up their grandkids on them. But, what would you do, let your grandchildren be raised by strangers in a foster family home?
Grandparents who are able to, generally choose to welcome their grandchildren into their home. It gives credence to the old saying, “Blood is thicker than water”.
There have always been situations, like car wrecks and plane crashes, that have caused the need for custodial grand-parenting, but, nationally, the number of grandchildren living with their grandparents has doubled over the past 30 years.
There are many factors causing this cultural shift, but I believe the two primary triggers are drug/alcohol addiction and the continued increase of one-parent families. When these two factors are combined, the necessity for grandparent assistance skyrockets. In that scenario, the one remaining parent often can”t handle the parenting function or is incarcerated or institutionalized and not available to be a parent.
Grandparents parenting their grandchildren presents a host of impacts on a couple or single grandparent who thought raising children was in their past. On the negative side, it can create or exacerbate tight-money problems, especially for retired grandparents living on a fixed income.
It can often stress the grandparents” marriage. It places time constraints on grandparents who were probably used to a flexible schedule. How the grandkids” medical, dental and school bills are going to be handled can be worrisome. Emotional issues are common. Feelings such as fear, anger, frustration and exhaustion can materialize.
On the other hand, some grandparents who have been thrust into parenting their grandkids have said that it makes them feel young again and it brought back purpose to their marriage and their lives. It appears there have been far more grandparents who cite difficulties and challenges than those who claim it has been the best thing that ever happened to them, though.
This is a three-sided situation, unless the parents are deceased. The triangle includes the parents, the grandparents and the children/grandchildren. If the parents are alive and the kids must live with their grandparents, then we must assume the parents are either unfit or totally out of the picture. These family situations often mean that the children are dealing with, or have dealt with, issues such as abuse or neglect, which usually cause emotional and behavioral problems. That makes the job even more difficult for the grandparents.
Grandparents generally like to have their grandkids for a short visit to enjoy and spoil them. It is tough on some to force themselves into the role of disciplinarian, making sure the youngsters go to school, do their homework and stay out of trouble. Generally, it is much easier on the grandparents when the children are pre-teens. When teens move in with their grandparents sparks can fly from both sides.
If you have had to swap your annual Mexico beach vacation for a drive to Disneyland due to becoming the guardian of your grandkids, there is help and hope. Help is available in several forms. Many communities have grandparent support groups. There is a lot of online assistance from organizations like AARP. The local court system and family services organization can be helpful, too.
The hope comes from the optimism that your guidance and example will make a positive difference for your grandchildren.
Gary Dickson is the publisher of the Record-Bee. He can be reached at gdickson@record-bee.com or called direct at 263-5636 ext. 24.
