“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” ? Carl Jung
I remember an animal from a Dr. Seuss book called the “Push-Me, Pull-You.”
It probably describes with a great deal of accuracy, how children caught up in the fallout and chaos of divorce or parental break-ups might feel ? pulled both directions, by two people they love and trust.
Since April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, I would like to address a form of abuse that may be slightly more subtle and more common, but certainly as damaging as physical abuse.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is defined by R.A. Gardner, who discovered it as, “a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child”s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming parent”s indoctrinations and the child”s own contributions to the vilification of the target parent.”
Parental Alienation Awareness Day is April 25.
Do not insult the other parent to your child or children.
Do not discuss lifestyle or money of your former partner; these are adult issues that should be discussed by adults.
A child, who is the product of both people, may feel compelled to take a side, especially if they are encouraged to do so.
When people split up, the couple”s friends are forced to make a choice. We can make more friends, new friends.
Children need both parents.
When children become pawns of vengeance, everyone gets hurt, but most of all, the children.
Do not hurt your children.
Parents need to understand that by denigrating and demeaning the other parent; they are actually insulting their child or children, because the other parent is, after all, half of who they are.
Parental alienation is also known as hostile, aggressive parenting.
This type of parenting deprives children of their right to be loved by, and showing love for, both of their parents.
Remember, children are not property. They are people who have not yet developed fully.
There are certainly situations that deem it necessary for a child to be separated or removed from a parent for their safety. It”s best to have an emotionally unattached professional determine if there is a problem with the other parent.
If you are a parent engaging in hostile, aggressive parenting, stop it. If you cannot stop it on your own, seek help. Encourage your child to talk with a counselor or someone they trust. If you are a parent with a child who is being alienated from you, also seek help. Find out how to deal with Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Lake Family Resource Center offers both child abuse prevention and child abuse treatment. For information call Toni Jordan at 279-0563 or e-mail tonij@lakefrc.org.Lake County licensed psychologist, Katherine Andre, co-wrote the book, “I Don”t Want to Choose,” with Amy Baker, about Parental Alienation Syndrome. To learn more about Parental Alienation Syndrome visit www.parentalalienationsolutions.com. www.rachelfoundation.org, www.divorcepoison.com and www.ParentalAlienation.com.
“It”s a poison communion we”re all receiving; while the families of the victims write the books and there might just be one word that”s worth believing, when the people give their leaders wicked looks.” ? Floater
Mandy Feder is the Record-Bee news editor. She can be reached at mandyfeder@yahoo.com or 263-5636 Ext. 32.
