A few weeks ago my grandma broke her hip. She was gardening at home alone and tripped. Luckily, her son-in-law soon stopped by her house and found her in the backyard. I have no idea how long she was lying there in pain.
She, like me, doesn”t handle serious pain medication well. A few days after her fall, grandma went into surgery and came out hip healing. But her mind wasn”t.
My mom went to visit her mom. Grandma Lu was having hallucinations. A week later, she still wasn”t doing very well, unsure of the year or city. She also has other health problems, including past heart surgeries.
I was scared. Grandma Lu is 80.
Not only was I scared to lose her, but I was scared that I didn”t try hard enough to get to know her. She lived through the Depression, every war since and had 11 children. She has a good story. And for the past few years I”ve been working to learn and tell strangers” stories, not hers.
I scheduled a trip to Chico and committed to visiting her in the rehab hospital. I had never visited family or friends in the hospital, just sources.
My cousin, who lives in Chico, agreed to visit grandma with me. She hadn”t seen grandma yet because she too was scared.
When we arrived at the hospital, my cousin and her husband said they wanted to spend 30 minutes at most visiting grandma. It felt mean to put that sort of time constraint on visiting someone who has cared for us all our lives, but I agreed anyway.
After peeking around the doorway into her room, we found grandma as always ? a bit more shaky on her feet and taking directions from a nurse, but she definitely knew what year it was, where she was, who we were and didn”t seem to be affected mentally.
I was relieved. I hugged her.
We decided to go sit in the lobby. I pushed grandma in a wheelchair to the open area in front of three seats. We cousins sat down and started to chat.
Grandma talked about living in Lake County for a few years when she and her brothers were growing up. She talked about what life was like during the Depression and picking fruit in Lake County orchards. She told me what every plastic bracelet on her arm meant and the extra ones nurses had since removed. She said she hadn”t seen a newspaper in days. She was upset she couldn”t get news and had no entertainment but a television with no guide.
I can”t imagine sitting in a hospital for days at a time with a nurse in and out every few hours and a daughter in and out every few days with only free senior magazines to read.
My aunts who live in Chico have been doing a great job spending time with her and taking care of her. Other family members have also made efforts.
Unbeknownst to me, my cousin-in-law fell asleep while grandma was telling us stories in the rehab hospital lobby. Apparently it happens often with him.
But to ignore, put off or fall asleep rather than care for someone you love is just rude. I”m guilty of at least the second offense. And everybody makes mistakes.
However, failing to ask questions of a nice grandma leaves us all without answers.
The next day I brought grandma a Sacramento Bee, Chico Enterprise-Record and a deck of cards. I didn”t have a recent copy of the Record-Bee to show off. She thanked me. She seemed tired so I left.
Since, she”s moved back home and is doing OK.
But I still think my more than 20 first cousins and I likely haven”t asked enough questions of grandma.
I would bet that many people have someone in their life like her. We should all take the time to talk to and care for the people we love, especially those who live alone, in hospitals or assisted living. They love us. We should show them our love too.
Katy Sweeny is a staff reporter for the Record-Bee. She can be reached at kdsweeny@gmail.com or 263-5635, ext. 37.
