Sports editor”s note: The following column contains pony prognostication information dealing with the 136th running of the Kentucky Derby on Saturday at Churchill Downs that our readers may find disturbing. Those of you who do not enjoy gambling, think Arizona matters, don”t have a sense of humor or post regularly on the Record-Bee”s Topix Web site should probably just skip this column and move on to the obituaries page, comics page or perhaps visit your local medicinal marijuana outlet.
Yep, it”s that time, the Run for the Roses, the 136th Kentucky Derby, just two days away. And just as a young man”s fancy turns to love in the spring, an old Dawg”s fancy turns to money ? the making of it ? in early May. The Dawg, Lake County”s No. 1 pony prognosticator who allegedly scores some big bucks most of the year, is once again sharing his Kentucky Derby pick with the Record-Bee”s readers. That he hasn”t hit a winner in a couple of years gives us pause for some concern, but we appreciate his effort, his perseverance and his gritty determination in stealing our hard-earned money once every 365 days. He does it so well.
“P.T. Barnum was right,” The Dawg chortled. “But gambling is a risky business and you can”t give up just because I missed a year or two. You have to be patient with my picks. The pony prognostication field is a tough nut to crack.”
At least it has been the last couple of years for The Dawg, who hasn”t come close. Last year his Derby pick, Flaming Pustule, finished closer to last than first. It”s not the only time The Dawg has picked a dog, no pun intended.
“Funny stuff you left-leaning liberal, pinko, socialist member of the communist Fifth Estate,” The Dawg said. “No one held a gun to your head to bet on my pick. You should never gamble money you can”t afford to lose.”
The Dawg”s words certainly ring true, at least on the gambling part, but he was the one who told the Record-Bee his picks don”t miss, even if he said that many, many years ago.
“You never can let it go,” The Dawg said of some of his past picks that did not win the Kentucky Derby. In fact, some didn”t even finish the race, show up for the race, have four legs, etc.
“Oh, there you go again with your smart— humor,” The Dawg said. “Why are you sports guys the worst of the worst when it comes to the media? Didn”t you get your FOX journalism training like them other guys who are positive the world is flat?”
The Dawg rarely minces his words, even if he elects to forget his infamous past Derby picks such as Theycallmetitanic, MrEdisdead, WrongWayWillie, Edselforever, Californiacowsarefaster, Finishlinejustarumor and ImSecretariatMinusTheTariatPart.
“Those were nags with cool names,” The Dawg said. “If they had won, you”d be singing a different tune lefty. By the way, did you ever play sports?”
Actually, I did, and I even won every now and then.
“Well, I win every now and then too, just more then than now,” The Dawg said. “It hurt just saying that.”
OK, OK. Enough with the past. It”s 2010 and the Kentucky Derby is just around the corner. Give me the winner, let me double, triple, quadruple my money. Who is going to win on Saturday?
“That”s easy,” The Dawg said. “Just remember two words ? Discreetly Mine. Can you do that or should I write you a note and pin it to your forehead?”
No, I got it. Discreetly Mine will win the 136th Kentucky Derby. And you heard it here first, that is if the horse wins. If he doesn”t, well ? The Dawg strikes again.
“Such negativity,” The Dawg said. “You have to think positive. That”s the secret to living a long life full of disinterested bitterness.”
Discreetly Mine is a 30-1 shot to win this year”s Kentucky Derby, making him a most definite long shot.
“Long shots make lots of the green stuff, bub,” The Dawg said. “Unlike your newspaper.”
The Dawg can really hit below the belt.
“Hell, forget about the belt, I bite ankles,” The Dawg said. “If you want a winner, you”ll bet Discreetly Mine.”
Understood.
Though Discreetly Mine has visited the winner”s circle only a couple of times, he is experienced on dirt, which will be an asset on Derby day. The big question surrounding him is can he go 1? miles, which is about 1? miles farther than The Dawg can run.
“Look at his bloodline,” The Dawg said. “He comes from good blood. That makes or breaks a horse most of the time.”
Discreetly Mine is the son of Mineshaft, who won two of the biggest races of his career at 1? miles. His grandfather was A.P. Indy, who won the Belmont Stakes, the third jewel in the Triple Crown.
“He”s got good blood, just like me,” The Dawg said.
While I”m willing to believe The Dawg and have done so many times in the past, I”d certainly like a little proof. Maybe Discreetly Mine can produce a birth certificate?
“Oh, don”t give me that bunch of baloney,” The Dawg said. “We”re not playing Obamagate and I don”t want to hear about Arizona. Hell, how they got to be a state is a mystery to me. I mean when the only thing you”re known for is one gunfight and spring training baseball, how important can you be? The horse is who he says he is, he doesn”t need to produce a birth certificate. He was born in this country.”
Owned by E. Paul Robsham Stables, LLC, Discreetly Mine is trained by Todd Pletcher and ridden by Javier Castellano. He has eight career starts and a 2-3-0 (win-place-show) record.
“Saturday afternoon you”ll be singing my praises,” The Dawg said. “And I expect a big, BIG write-up in Tuesday”s paper.”
If you win, you got it. If you lose, you got it. That I can promise.
Twenty horses are entered and Lookin at Lucky is the favorite at 3-1 followed by Sidney”s Candy at 5-1. Lookin at Lucky is starting on the rail and Sidney”s Candy is on the outside at No. 20. Discreetly Mine is starting No. 15.
The original Derby favorite Eskendereya has been scratched with a leg injury. At least that”s the official story.
“Two shots to the back of the head,” The Dawg said. “Works like a charm.”
