I would like to commend Cynthia Parkhill”s editorial on preventing bullying in the July 24 edition of the Record-Bee. She has done all of us a service in continuing to bring to light this pervasive problem. I would like to add my own slant on what bullying is all about. People who find themselves in a pattern of being bullied, even if it is being done by primarily one individual, are part of a group social dynamic. The person doing the bullying gets his greatest power and ego boost, not just from making withering comments about someone, but just as much from the acquiescence of everyone else in the social group who allows him to do it. It is a shortcut to power for him/her by being a leader in defining us versus the other. It is power that is neither ethical or earned because it depends on the fear and moral weakness of those witnessing the bullying. To put it simply, the weakness of the spectators empower the bully and give him/her strength.
Bullying occurs at all ages, all walks of life, and not just in schools. I would like to slightly disagree with Parkhill on where the remedy lies for preventing bullying. I think it is required that bosses, administrators and teachers try to stop bullying when it occurs. But often when an adult, or a power figure such as a supervisor at work, steps in, the bullying just goes underground. It is equivalent to dragging your big brother in to whip the bully. The real need is for the victim”s co-workers or fellow students to rise to the occasion and say this is not tolerable and the victim does not deserve that kind of treatment. That will stop the bullying fast.
I”ll never forget several incidents at my previous place of work. There was a person who would always try to tear me down. He would always be very sarcastic and insulting, but only in the presence of my co-workers. There was a lot of tension on that job because we were responsible for the maintenance of aircraft and their subsequent safety, for a major airline. I was the single person on my shift who worked in a more technical area of maintenance, avionics. Because of that I was always the butt of intimidation by that person. I never could stop the intimidation because everyone else acquiesced because it took the pressure off them. However, one day it finally reached my consciousness that there was another person, a small Asian fellow, who was also being bullied by this person. And the usual modus operandi was in effect: bullying only in the presence of other maintenance workers. Finally I had enough an told the bully that this mechanic who was being torn down psychologically had just as much right to be at the workplace as anyone else and that I was tired of this. I”ll never forget what happened next. He completely wilted. Apparently no one besides the person being bullied had ever called him on his bullying. The look on his face was priceless: it said “you are not being bullied now so don”t step in and mess it up.” A few months later this person knew the game was up and transferred to another city.
Everyone should teach their children from a young age that when they see someone being bullied it is because there is something deeply wrong with the bully. They should also be taught that if they don”t stand up just because they aren”t the one being bullied that they are showing weakness and that they are acting no differently than the primates in the trees. Of course that is being unkind to many primates because even many of them show more empathy than many humans.
Eric Habegger
Lakeport
