By Michelle Berger
For more than a year now, I have been unable to open a newspaper, read a magazine, watch television or eavesdrop on a restaurant conversation without hearing about the topic of bullying.
Everywhere I turn there seems to be another parent filing a complaint on behalf of their children, a teen committing suicide or a public school defending its honor when accused of turning a blind-eye.
Bullying is an incident that has been involved in schools, playgrounds and on street corners since the dawn of time and is an inevitable matter that everyone will come upon at some point in their lives; even those who commit the act are often sufferers themselves, in some way shape or form. In example; a child who receives abuse and harassment in the home. But the big question arises, when the bullying takes place, what are you, a victim or a target?
Now, here is something I never notice anyone do, differentiate between target and victim.
All the time I hear reporters say such things as, “Alison, the target of bullying, attempted to notify the teachers that she was a victim.” Often people use both terms in the same context, as though they mean the same thing but the Webster”s Dictionary defines target as “an objective, goal or object of attack,” and victim as “a person or object killed, destroyed, injured, harmed or otherwise suffering from some act or circumstance.” So, the difference between the two titles is: something aimed for and something achieved. In the context of bullying the harsh truth stands, anyone can be a target but only those who allow it to affect them, become victims.
It may be tough to accept that the target has turned themselves into a victim, especially for those friends and family of a person who has committed physical harm to themselves as a result of bullying, but it must be understood, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
When I was younger and in the public school system, I was known for being extremely quiet and never getting involved with playground drama, because of this “loner-like” demeanor I radiated, not to mention my eccentric fashion-sense, I became the target of bullying, but I never became a victim.
I knew the other students thought the reason I was so quiet and alone was because I was weak and must be a pushover; I understood the psychology and rules of kid-dom, and how the perfect way to establish a position of authority was to bully someone weaker than yourself.
However, what they did not realize was the true reason for minding my own business was because I had nothing in common with anyone else, school was nothing more than a place of learning, not socializing, for me.
They did everything they could to get a rise out of me, teasing, verbal assaults and even puny physical attacks like shoving or flicking things my way; I ignored it for a long time, until one day, I decided I wasn”t going to become a victim.
After listening to a group of boys harassing me, one came over and put me in a very tight headlock so I couldn”t breathe. I bit him as hard as I could, drawing blood and then punched him so hard he hit the floor. After that, the teasing relented and the more I bared my fangs, the more they left me alone, until it finally stopped all together. I was not a victim. I am not condoning violence as a means to solving problems, but what I absolutely cannot tolerate, is the idea that children should continue to ignore the harassment and instead, simply tell an adult and let them handle it; believe me, from my own experience both as a student and staff member in the public school system, I know for a fact that most teachers and principals do not wish to involve themselves in such matters.
It is wrong for a person to be punished for defending themselves, it is wrong to criticize a parent for telling their child it”s OK to fight back. No one wants to be a victim and no one should ever be pushed into such a position.
Many people argue that teaching a child to fight back against harassment breeds contentment and conditions them to be angry, violent adults but in actuality, research has shown that many people who engage in extreme acts of violence and wind up in the prison system, were victims of bullying in their childhood.
I fought back and never gave my attempted tormenters the satisfaction they so desired and turned out, if I do say so myself, a very independent, well-adjusted, content human being who knows who I am and where I am going in life.
Parents, grandparents and guardians out there, do not let someone you love become a victim. Please tell them it”s OK to fight back and you make sure you let the schools know, that you will not take any of their passive submission to bleeding-heart ideals.
When Michelle Berger is not writing, she”s usually re-enacting famous fight scenes from Kung-Fu flicks. Reach her at mberger_om@yahoo.com.
