By Brian Sumpter ? Sports editor
Wow. The Dawg has never been any better.
As he predicted in the May 5 edition of the Record-Bee, more than 48 hours before the 137th running of the Kentucky Derby took place at venerable Churchill Downs, the winner of the Run for the Roses would be Animal Kingdom.
Despite never having run on dirt before, despite not being picked by any of the so-called experts, despite leaving the starting gate at 20-1, Animal Kingdom streaked down the homestretch and left every other nag in that race in his dust.
In a word ? ka-ching!
“Yeah, Mr. Smarty Pants, I guess the dumb old Dawg ain”t so dumb after all,” The Dawg howled in delight while counting his considerable winnings. “I do like how Benjamin Franklin is staring back at me. The $100 bill is a beautiful thing.”
While The Dawg scored big at the betting window, his lowly underlings ? namely the Record-Bee”s sports editor and photographer Bob Minenna ? caught a few crumbs on Saturday, too. They”ve been betting on The Dawg”s Derby picks for several years now, and the results have never been this good.
“Well, you guys didn”t exactly make the fortune I did, but I think you did pretty well,” The Dawg said. “Of course, you didn”t make enough to do what I”m going to do ? put a new stone swimming pool in the old Dawg Pound. Solar-powered of course, with a swim-in bar. Oh, yeah, and buffalo wings, too.”
The Dawg lives big when he rakes in the greenbacks.
By a quirk of fate, Animal Kingdom”s jockey, JR Velaz-quez, was a last-second pick. Velazquez was originally going to ride Uncle Mo, who was scratched a couple of days before the Derby took place.
“That was no quirk of fate,” The Dawg snorted. “I wanted JR, so I, um, arranged for Uncle Mo”s brief illness.”
The Dawg knows people who are best left unnamed.
While the pick of Animal Kingdom this year was a master stroke, The Dawg hasn”t always been so fortunate with his Record-Bee picks. After picking winner Barbaro in 2006, he went on a four-year losing streak (2007-10).
“Man, you and your damn stats. What is it with you newspaper nincompoops? So I missed a couple of races. You just hit a 20-1 shot, be happy,” The Dawg said in a lecturing tone.
Unlike most of the pony prognosticators who barely gave Animal Kingdom a second look ? none of them picked him to win and only a handful had him in the top three ? The Dawg liked his blazing speed from the outset.
“The horse can run ? the only question is can he run on dirt? I guess that”s answered,” The Dawg laughed.
While cashing in his winning tickets, The Dawg reportedly needed a wheelbarrow to cart his winnings home.
“Shhhhhhhhhhhh!” The Dawg said. “That”s just a rumor ? tell the IRS guys I just needed a tiny envelope.”
The Dawg”s cohorts in the Dawg Pound all picked other horses, much to his delight.
“Hey, make that Top Dawg,” he said. “Maybe Tom Cruise will play me in the movie. But I don”t like boats, so none of that launching-off-the-carrier stuff. I”m afraid of heights anyway.”
While The Dawg was sizing himself for a new silver Mercedes the other day, he wondered aloud why he even talks to the media these days after the pounding he”s taken in print following his dismal Derby picks of 2007-10.
“There you go again with the negativity,” The Dawg said. “Always negative, always looking to spoil my joy. No wonder those fine casino people won”t talk to you at the Bee. You”re all Debbie Downers.”
The Dawg always speaks his mind.
Can Animal Kingdom go on to win the Preakness and Bel-mont Stakes and secure that elusive Triple Crown?
“Now wait just a minute buster,” The Dawg said. “My deal is I give you the Derby pick. You want the Preakenss and Belmont, you pay extra. Now go away until next year ? and enjoy them bones!”
No problem there.
