By Mandy Feder —
It happened because appreciation turned to expectation one too many times.
I am a giving person, but something went sour.
It was probably from first giving to, and then observing, a family that can only be described as bottom-feeders, for nearly five years.
At every opportunity the whole extended family gluttonously took from individuals, social services, churches, organizations, friends, acquaintances, coworkers and strangers. There was no limit to the disgusting, hoarding and manipulative behaviors.
Since I”ve known of this family I”ve found myself feeling resentful and cautious of some people who say they are in need.
Last week a man came in to the Record-Bee office to purchase a subscription to the newspaper.
“Hey, what”s the deal with that Christmas Basket Fund?” He asked.
I thought he wanted to sign up to receive a basket, so I started to explain it.
“I just want to donate some money,” he said.
I asked him for his name as he peeled $200 from his wallet to help feed a Lake County family during the holidays.
He said he wished to remain anonymous. “It”s a payback,” he said.
I asked him if he wanted to donate in memory of anybody, but he declined.
The man, probably in his 60s, explained to me that his father died when he was 9 years old, right around the holidays and someone was kind enough to help his family and feed them. He said he never forgot that. I went into my office and shed a tear or two.
It was enough to revive my spirit. Sometimes I forget that the impact of giving stays with some people for a long time; sometimes even for a lifetime.
The shysters will probably continue to manipulate, and yes, some of them will, without shame, literally take a meal from a family that needs it.
It”s no wonder we become cynical, indifferent and even jaded. We work hard, live frugally and sacrifice. It”s a real kick in the face when the result of good intentions and actions go to people who feel that the world and everyone in it, owes them. They have an inexplicable sense of entitlement.
But that anonymous Santa Claus man got me thinking about all the wonderful people who helped to shape my own life with supportive words and actions.
There are givers. There are takers and then there are those who end up in a tough spot temporarily. The givers are there to extend a hand when the world is cold, to elevate a fellow human being.
I also thought about a winter day when my daughters and I were taking the PATH train to a hotel in New Jersey. We just had dinner with my dad in New York and it was pretty late at night. A sickly, thin woman in her mid 20s, missing a bunch of teeth, wearing a torn flannel shirt and dirty jeans, stood shaking and shivering in the snow on the platform at the Edison Station. Tears the size of quarters streamed down her face, leaving tracks of smeared make-up. She looked up at us.
“Are you OK?” I asked her.
She told me she just got out of jail and expected her friends to pick her up. She said she could stay at her mom”s house, but she used the train ticket the jail supplied her to meet her friends at this station and she had no money. Her friends never showed.
I hugged the stranger for a few minutes as she sobbed and tried to catch her breath. I reached in my pocket and gave her a train transfer ticket. As we walked away, an 8-year-old Miranda scolded me. “Geez, mom, you should have given her some money. She was so skinny and sad. You could have at least given her $5.”
I told Miranda that the woman may have needed that moment and sometimes it”s better to have the time to ponder and perhaps have a revelation about your life, rather than a quick fix. Of course she didn”t quite understand just what I meant. I told her I wanted to show compassion without encouraging an already deeply depressed and troubled young woman to do what probably landed her on that platform alone in the first place. I don”t know if that was the right thing to do, because I don”t have the answers.
I know that when the banks send the donation updates for the Christmas baskets, I am proud to be surrounded by such a caring community of givers. I know that each year, for a number of reasons, so many people cannot enjoy a holiday dinner. Those giving people are making it possible for people in 1,200 Lake County homes to have that meal.
For the recipients of that generosity, take a moment to appreciate the humanity of your neighbors.
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” — Leo Buscaglia
Mandy Feder is the Record-Bee managing editor. She can be reached at mandyfeder@yahoo.com or 263-5636 ext. 32.
