By Bill Woodruff —
In this era of corporate mergers and big government, perhaps we”ll soon see:
The Syfy Channel and soap operas merge. What would happen in a science fiction soap opera? An amnesiac with a brain tumor travels back in time and stops the mentally ill nurse from switching babies in the hospital. Not that one again.
Or, Pat and Chris go back in time (what would sci-fi do without time travel?) after a botched sex-change operation and retrieve him/herself and then go ahead to the future where anyone can marry anyone or anything. They make genetically modified clones in the lab and start a sitcom: Two-and-a-half? What if Disney buys them out? OMG.
Cola companies place products in movies and pay the film producers for the exposure. What if the TV infotainment shows started doing this? Imagine Matt Lauer doing an interview and slipping products into the conversation. So many people have DVR”s and skip over the commercials. This could happen.
And speaking of the movies, who rates the movies with those little stars? Come on, three stars for some low-budget movie that will end up on Elvira”s Movie Matinee? I”ve always suspected that a couple of potheads sit on a couch and throw darts at a ratings board. “Alright dude, two and a half stars! OK, what”s the next movie?” “Later dude, let”s go get ice cream.”
What if the post office merged with FedEx and UPS? Will we all finally get FEDUP?
What if the big pharmaceutical companies bought the DEA and FDA in a bankruptcy sale? Nah, why bother.
After we won WWII, we spent billions rebuilding Germany and Japan. In Afghanistan, we build roads and schools, and then rebuild them when they get blown up. Why don”t we merge the Department of Defense with several large real estate companies and then just buy these countries? With the help of the nothing-down gurus we could really get some leverage with the billions of dollars we”re spending.
While I”m tossing out crazy ideas here, maybe Israel could buy Baja California from Mexico and relocate, sacred shrines and all. No hostile neighbors, lots of coastline, it”s out of range from Iranian missiles, close to Hollywood, and it would create lots of jobs for Mexico with fewer illegals going into the U.S. After all, the London Bridge has been in Arizona for decades. Maybe it”s not such a crazy idea after all.
OK, that”s enough. My brain hurts.
Bill Woodruff is a longtime Lake County resident and former business owner.
