Why is my car moving sideways? I thought to myself. After a regional editor”s meeting Wednesday in Chico, I, along with the Red Bluff Editor, Chip, went to Trader Joe”s. As I was waiting for the traffic to move in the parking lot, I felt my car shift. I turned my head and saw a silver Honda wedged into the side of my car.
I voiced a couple of expletives to myself before I rolled down the window and told the woman (Peggy) who hit me that I would park so we could exchange information. I took a deep breath and told myself that getting angry would not change the end result. I pictured myself in her shoes.
“I”m so sorry,” she said. “I wasn”t looking.”
I quietly wrote down her information and gave her mine. She asked if I could get an estimate and she could just pay me to get the work done. I told her that was fine. The whole time I was thinking to myself that I didn”t have time for this. I”m wound a little tight like that. When Chip and I proceeded into the store, he looked at me and started laughing, which made me laugh, too.
It was late in the afternoon, so I went directly to a nearby auto body shop. The estimate was pretty pricey for such a small dent. They would have to keep the car for three days. I would need to get a rental car as well.
I asked the woman at the shop if there was a less expensive way to go about this. I really didn”t want Peggy to pay upward of $1,000 for a minor fender bender. A man at the body shop buffed out most of the scratch damage, but the dent now looked larger. I opted for a recommended mobile service that could simply take the dent out. I could live with some minor scratches.
I called Peggy and told her I could meet her to give her the estimate and I explained it could be done for a lot less money. When we met she thanked me. What I didn”t explain before, was Chip took a fall a few days earlier and had some substantial cuts on his face. Peggy told me she was afraid he was injured and that too, was her fault. I apologized and she was puzzled. “Why are you saying sorry to me? I hit you.”
I didn”t want to be the source of someone”s bad day, I told her.
She told me she was grateful for my kindness and honesty and we ended the whole exchange with a hug.
I have been in Peggy”s shoes to some degree. When my oldest daughter Nicole began driving, she was reluctant and nervous. My then-boyfriend, Allan, took her out to drive his new pickup truck. They went to the parking lot at the park down the street. Nicole hit the gas instead of the brakes and ran into a parked truck. Nicole was in tears. “Well, it looks like a pickup truck now,” Allan said of his new vehicle and laughed. They scoured the park, attempting to locate the owner of the parked truck, without results.
Finally they left a note on the windshield. The owner was beyond gracious. He offered to do the repairs himself and even bought the parts at Pick and Pull. I sent him a bunch of extra cash just for being so thoughtful.
I have a bit that I go through in my head, before I react to anything that irritates or upsets me. I remember that each person is someone”s loved one whether it be child, parent, brother, sister or grandparent. I try to put myself in the other person”s place. And finally, I remind myself that I do not know what that person is dealing with in his/her life. It helps.
“It”s the sense of touch You brush past people, people bump into you Nobody touches you. We”re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.” — From Crash (2004, the movie)
Mandy Feder is the Record-Bee, Lake County Publishing managing editor. She can be reached at mandyfeder@yahoo.com or 263-5636 ext. 32.
