Yep, another year has come and gone and the 138th annual Run for the Rose, also known as the Kentucky Derby, takes place Saturday at venerable Churchill Downs.
What that means closer to home is that Lake County”s peerless pony prognosticator, The Dawg, is about to reveal his winning pick. The Dawg, or Mr. Dawg to his close friends, is on a one-year winning streak after correctly predicting Animal Kingdom”s victory at last year”s Derby. Just so you know when you”re plunking down your hard-earned money at the local satellite wagering facility, The Dawg has never correctly predicted the winner two years in a row since agreeing to share his picks with the Record-Bee.
“You always find a way to rain on my parade,” The Dawg said of his prior inability to predict winners more than a year in a row. “I gave you a winner who paid real well a year ago and you”ve already forgotten. How very sports editor of you. You guys are all about ”what have you done for me lately.””
A point of clarification before we continue. The Dawg isn”t your warm and fuzzy person. He”s got a short temper, no patience with the media, and is often described in one word … curmudgeon. If you didn”t know better, he could be Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots, but he”s just The Dawg.
“Just?” The Dawg snapped. “I”m the guy who takes a small amount of money and turns it into a king”s ransom. You take a small amount of sports information and turn it into a mound of something else for your stories Mr. Sports Dude.”
The Dawg is a Dawg of few words.
But down to some serious business here. The Dawg, by chance or skill, did pick Animal Kingdom to win last year”s Derby, as printed in the Record-Bee”s sports pages days before the Derby took place. Some followed The Dawg”s advice and made some serious cashola while others went their own way and ended up with crappola.
“Yeah, you tell ”em bud, because that”s the truth,” The Dawg snickered. “The Dawg knows all if you”re talking about meat on the hooves.”
While this year”s Derby field is a mixed bag, according to The Dawg, meaning there isn”t a clear-cut favorite, there are several solid ponies in the field. Members of The Dawg Pound, which is a collective of miscreants that The Dawg hangs around with, are split on their Derby choices.
“Whoa, buddy. Back up for a second. Miscreant? What, did you take a Ralph Barbieri improve-your-vocabulary course during the past few months? Stick with the one syllable words and you”ll be better off, trust me.”
Without further ado or further insults pointed my way from The Dawg, let”s get down to Derby picks.
The Dawg (drum roll please) is putting a large chunk of change on “I”ll Have Another,” your 2012 Kentucky Derby winner.
Personally I like the name, because more than anything else I”d love to have another payday such as last May. “I”ll Have Another” should go off with pretty good odds, according to The Dawg, perhaps 4-1 or 5-1, and that would pay OK.
“Yeah, and if you can crowbar a few paper bills out of your wallet, it might pay more than you make in a month at the Bee,” The Dawg snickered. “Of course, that wouldn”t be hard to do.”
The Dawg really knows how to hit below the belt.
While The Dawg is set on “I”ll Have Another,” he does like “Daddy Nose Best” as a Derby long shot.
The rest of The Dawg Pound, namely Harness Jim, Matt the Mole, Mr. C, Kurt The King and Longshot Dennis, all have their own ideas on who will win on Saturday (see accompanying graphic).
“They think they know what they”re doing, but there”s a reason I”m talking to you and not them. I don”t want to seem mean, but they”re not the sharpest knives in the drawer,” The Dawg said.
The Dawg has kept busy in the offseason while playing on the casino circuit, which includes Robinson Rancheria, Konocti Vista and Hopland. He”s usually playing video poker while pouring through the racing form look for nuggets of wisdom to share with us commoners.
“That”s a pretty good way to put it,” The Dawg said. “If there was royalty in this country, I”d be king because it”s good to be him.”
If The Dawg can pick a Derby winner for the second year in a row, there may be no living with him. In fact, it”s hard to do now since he”s on a one-in-a-row streak.
“If I win again, you”ll be paying me to make the 2013 Derby pick, I can tell you that. No more freebies,” The Dawg said. “I might even turn pro.”
Of course, if The Dawg crashes and burns as in so many past years, he”ll be a hard pooch to contact.
“Yeah, sorry about the other years when my horse never even showed up. I meant to get back with you but I was out of town, my cell phone was broken, and I forgot your phone number,” The Dawg said.
That”s OK, a couple of my coaches do the same thing Dawg.
“Yeah, that one guy was the worst. He even made me look good,” The Dawg said.
Well, I wouldn”t go that far.
“Hey, don”t get sassy with me prep sports guy. You”d think you be covering the pros after what, 100 years in the business. Why don”t you get a real job?” The Dawg added.
And we”ll just leave it at that.
The Dawg is picking “I”ll Have Another” to win the Kentucky Derby on Saturday. If he”s right, we”ll heap great praise on him. If he”s wrong, we”ll heap great (something else) on him.
