By Mandy Feder —
It had been a little while since we sat together in our usual booth at Perko”s downing cup after cup of coffee.
He was making the most of his good health and energy. After all, he was given a second chance at having some fun while his cancer was in remission.
He was sort of hard to catch up with as he took road trips and got busy woodworking; making items for friends and family. He sent me proud photos via email. I could tell he crafted all of it with love.
He was simply so grateful. He told me he was knocking on death”s door before his eight-month reprieve.
Joe loved the newspaper and even when he didn”t agree with me, he was respectful.
That was one of Joe”s qualities that I enjoyed and admired.
Also when he had an opinion he backed it up with research, which made for great and raucous conversations.
He told me the greatest stories about his family and his history.
Joe was funny and warm. It is my good fortune that we got to know each other.
Before his remission I asked him if I could write about him for our Veterans tabloid.
I knew he served in the military and earned a Purple Heart.
“No, no, no,” he said emphatically. I could tell he was serious. “It was a job. I got paid for it and I did my job in the military, that”s all,” he said.
I asked if I could ever write about him. “When I die,” he said.
Last Friday night while I was at work Joe”s friend came to the Record-Bee and gently broke the news that my coffee mate was gone. This was a gesture I really appreciated. I have a tough time with these types of notifications being made by phone, email or via social media.
Less than a week before he died we were to meet for coffee. I had so much to tell him about and I wanted to hear about his latest projects and escapades.
He called me that morning and said he couldn”t make it and he was sick. His voice sounded pained.
He told me he just wanted to live long enough for his wife to take a trip she planned. “I don”t want her to have to cancel that,” he said. Joe really loved his wife. He lit up whenever he talked about her and all of their memories.
Family meant everything to Joe. That is another attribute that made Joe dear to me.
I met his son Frank this week and asked him if he minded if I wrote about his dad. He gave me his blessing. “Pop would like that,” he said.
The following email is part of the last communication I had with Joe:
“Hi Mandy, Thank you for your concern. Life has to work itself out and we really have no control over some of the matters we must deal with. I have been fortunate with a remission and maybe I will have additional time from the new meds I am taking and I hope that might occur.
“What really is hard to deal with is leaving people you love the most. Family and friends both old and new. With you it has been a distinct pleasure to have been so fortunate to meet and you as a superb friend who has allowed me to follow you in the paper and especially to have a coffee now and then. I thank you for that.
“Thank you for the virtual hug, you know how much I love and appreciate those from a lady who has become a serious best friend.
“On another matter your article today was excellent. You have passion in your skills as a writer. God bless you for that and my wish is that you never lose this passion. If we had it from all the media the populace would be better advised, which in turn would create a better country and perhaps a few heads to roll in the process. I will stay in touch and if things work out in the near future we will have our coffee and chat together.
Thank you my friend,
Joe”
Joe and I certainly seemed unlikely friends at times. And sometimes his views took me by surprise.
He said he wanted to go quickly when he died, because he didn”t want his family to suffer seeing him in pain again.
What an unselfish sentiment that was.
He went quickly, just as he wished.
I miss his smile, his infectious laugh and his curious love of life.
I lift my coffee cup in your honor, Joe Totorica. Cheers, my friend.
Mandy Feder is the Managing Editor at Lake County Publishing. She can be reached at mandyfeder@yahoo.com or 263-5636 ext. 32. Follow on Twitter @mandyfeder1.
