Although he is known by different names — St. Nick, Father Christmas, and so on — almost everyone around the world knows of that jolly old elf we call Santa Claus. Some say he was born around the year 280 in what is now Turkey. These days, however, he calls the North Pole home, and it”s there he runs a workshop turning out toys and gifts. Before he distributes them on Christmas eve, riding the famous sleigh pulled by flying reindeer, he makes several promotional visits around the world. Of course, he includes Lake County on these stops. He arrives in Lakeport today, will be in Kelseyville on Friday and Clearlake next Saturday.
1. Um, which list am I on this year?
The same one as last year. You will have to learn to change your ways. It”s getting harder for me to scrounge up lumps of coal these days.
2. Are the other reindeer ever jealous of Rudolph”s fame?
[Jolly laugh]. No, no. They realize we never would have been able to deliver gifts that foggy Christmas eve if it weren”t for that shiny nose of his. If we ever miss a Christmas, children around the world would be devastated, so by guiding the sleigh that one night, he did all of us a favor. But, to be honest, his nose was so bright we had to stop in Kalamazoo to pick up sunglasses for Dasher and Dancer. They grumbled about having to squint all the way across Canada. In fact, they almost called him a few choice names.
3. Did it really happen like on the TV show?
Hollywood took some liberties with the story. Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass [the show”s producers] made the naughty list that year, believe me. Burl Ives, though — he was always on the good list. The person that came the closest to getting it right was Clement Clarke Moore in his poem ”A Visit from St. Nicholas.”
4. Do you prefer St. Nick or Santa Claus?
Mrs. Claus calls me Nick, among other things [booming laugh].
5. With all those kids sitting on your lap, have there ever been, uh, accidents?
This suit is pretty absorbent. Several athletic gear manufacturers teamed up to create the material and Aaron Rodgers tested it against blitzing linebackers. I”ve always been a Packers fan — they are the closest thing we have to a home team here at the North Pole. The elves don”t appreciate the dry cleaning chores when I get back, but it doesn”t really bother me.
6. What”s your favorite cookie?
I love them all, can”t you tell [pats his belly, laughing], though I guess I should be a little wary about brownies and milk when I pass through Colorado. When children leave homemade cookies for me, that”s the best. A hundred years ago they would put out glasses of fresh milk. Now I see too much of that watery 2 percent stuff. You know, I can”t afford to slim down.
7. I can”t believe you can fit down a chimney.
I was a bit trimmer back in the 1800s. These days I just slip in through a door. Besides, no one has chimneys anymore.
8. Ever slide down onto a burning log?
[Laughs] One time I was dropping off presents at the White House and my backside landed on a roaring yule log. I yelped and shot straight back up the chimney with my suit on fire. I guess it looked like a missile launch, because the Soviets scrambled their air force and readied their nuclear arsenal. Fortunately President Reagan allowed me to use his hotline phone. I was able to speak to Gorbachev and explain the situation. He even agreed to tear down the Berlin Wall because he had asked for a Teddy Ruxpin and some blemish remover for Christmas and wanted to get on the good list. Funny, now that I think about it I haven”t visited Congress in awhile. And it”s not on my flight plan this year, either.
9. Do you have any regrets?
Well, I never get to see the smiles on all the faces around the world on Christmas morning. Everyone is asleep when I visit. But I do appreciate the letters from all the kids.
10. What do you do the rest of the year?
I have tickets to see Taylor Swift right after Christmas. I”m really looking forward to that. Otherwise I spend my time making lists, checking them, organizing reindeer games, ordering new sleigh upgrades on Amazon and hanging out with Will Ferrell. He can make me laugh every time. It starts to get busy again long about October. Merry Christmas to all, and I”ll see you at the parades.
