About a month ago, the basis of a Hope Rising column was the first of the three stages of recovery as described by Dr. Judith Herman in her book, “Trauma and Recovery.” The first stage is all about regaining a sense of safety and stability. In this stage, it important to address your immediate needs and mental wellbeing, then work your way through external factors such as environment and relationships to regain your sense of safety.
It is not uncommon to remain in this phase for a few weeks, or even months. While we all heal in different ways and at different paces, some may be entering the second and thirds phases of recovery. Each stage builds upon the previous, and it is likely there will be some overlap. Below are the three phases in the order they typically occur:
1. Regaining safety and stability
2. Remembrance and mourning
3. Reconnection
Wherever you are individually, it can be helpful to understand the process as a whole. Having discussed the first phase above and in a previous article, below some light is shed on the second and third phases.
Remembrance and mourning
Discussion around memories and what was experienced can be painful, especially when a sense of security is still lacking. Once safety is regained, remembering and mourning traumatic events may or may not be a significant part of your healing process. Some find that working through memories and discussing traumatic experiences brings a sense of healing and closure.
If appropriate, reach out to loved ones and community members who are ready to share memories and experiences. Paying respects to what life was prior to the disaster, and the disaster itself, can be therapeutic. At this point in the process, if you have not consulted a therapist or another healing professional, this can be a good stage to do so. There are many effective, clinical therapy exercises available that can aid in trauma memory processing.
Reconnection
When you feel safe and no longer controlled by trauma, reconnecting and redefining yourself within your current world can make for an immense amount of growth. At this point, the trauma endured is a part of your life story, but it does not define you. This phase offers a chance to recreate yourself and your role in relationships and other meaningful aspects of life. Some people find that the trauma they underwent fuels the discovery of their life’s work or mission. It is a chance to reflect on what you truly find meaning in, and focus your energy on that.
Moving through the process
Wherever you are in recovery, you are exactly where you should be. The three phases of trauma is a tool and a resource to aid in recovery. However, there isn’t one right way of doing it, and there is no such thing as taking too long. Recovery is not defined by completing a set of steps or showing no signs of being affected. Recovery looks different for everyone, and ultimately it is about the individual coming to live in a way that is meaningful to them, inspires happiness, and is not controlled by what happened in the past.
