Whatever you’re celebrating this year, whether it’s widely recognized or unique to your family, many of us look forward to our holiday traditions. From dressing up for a special meal to hanging out in pajamas all day, we expect certain things to happen as they always have. It’s a shared experience to bond over, and comfort can be found in familiarity.
But what happens when things start to change? Maybe this year, the whole family can’t be together. Perhaps you are no longer in the family home where you celebrated years of holidays. As much as we expect the holidays to unfold in a certain way, they are as unpredictable as life itself. A few years ago, when a close relative suddenly became ill, my family and I found ourselves in the car on Christmas, making the long drive so that we could be with her.
Changes like these can be stressful, worrisome, weird, sad, you name it. Whether or not by choice, things change. Sometimes they are all-at-once drastic, and sometimes it’s a small change over time. The fires this year have brought many different elements of change to the community, and it takes no small amount of courage and grace to face those changes. Whatever situation you face, there are ways you can keep your spirits lifted this season.
Make timeless traditions
We may have some holiday traditions that revolve around a specific physical object or place, and while these have their place, they also have their limits. Focus on creating traditions that can be done anytime, anywhere. When my family’s Christmas was unexpectedly spent in the car, we found comfort in my dad’s dorky holiday jokes (the same ones he tells every year). You probably know by heart the story your grandfather tells at every holiday dinner. Incorporate traditions that can be shared and passed down, such as favorite holiday songs, stories or recipes, and they will live on.
Start something new
Change, welcome or not, is an opportunity to start new traditions. This is a great time to implement the traditions you have always wanted to do, but for some reason never got around to. Just as repeating traditions helps form bonds, creating new traditions can build bonds as well. It’s a chance to come together as a family and talk about the things that would make the celebration special for each individual family member.
Embrace the new, cherish the old
When traditions change, it is OK to still tie in some elements of the old way. A big exchange of store-bought gifts has always been a focal point of our family holiday. This year, we decided to craft most of our gifts. It’s fun to surprise family members with presents, and for our family, we found more meaning and less stress in creating our own this year. This is a great way to bridge the gap between what once was and what works for you now.
Remember what’s important
During difficult change, it can be easy to be caught up in negative feelings. Allow yourself to grieve the change, and then ask yourself if you are in touch with what you value most. Year round, we celebrate values like love, community and family, and the holidays provide a special opportunity to rejoice for the things closest to our heart. Connect with what is important to you, and let that be a guiding light.
Change is never easy. The more we allow ourselves to be open to change, the gentler the process. Compromise plays a key role, and you may even find you like the new way better than the old. Cherish your old traditions in whatever way you can, and build strong, new, timeless traditions that enhance your experience and make you feel connected to what really matters most this holiday season.
