By Robin C. Harris
One of the most useful traditions for your child at bedtime and rising is the reciting of affirmations. The dictionary dances around an appropriate definition of this word, coming closest with: “A statement of the truth or existence of something.” But far more than this, it is your children’s statement of a belief — something they will tell themselves as a way of making their lives easier, better, maybe more exciting. Probably the simplest affirmation is “I am good.” More to the point is “I am loving and lovable.” An affirmation to change a habit may be, “I pick up my things and put them away.”
An affirmation is not a prayer. If a child prays, he may be asking for something to happen. In an affirmation, he is not speaking to a higher being, he is speaking to himself. He is telling himself who and what he is, and what he is capable of doing to make his life better. Your child needs to be told, “You are the expert on the subject of you. So speak to yourself, listen to yourself, and believe what you are saying.” Even youngest kids can do this.
A lot of what they are telling themselves may not have happened yet. And some of it, your child may think, just isn’t true. But if children believe their affirmations, they have the power to come true for them. For example, Billy may say, “I am strong enough to overcome this obstacle.” Perhaps he believes he is not, but if he tells himself often enough that he is strong, he will feel himself becoming stronger, more resilient, because he believes what he is telling himself. Norman Vincent Peale called it “the power of positive thinking.”
“But wait a minute,” I hear you saying, “If Billy tells himself he is strong when he knows he is not, then he is lying to himself.”
No, he’s not. Not at all. The strength is already in Billy. He just doesn’t know he has it. Through his affirmations, he is bringing it to the surface. Moreover, “strong” has many meanings. Children who have a problem with this, can preface their affirmation with, “I have the power to…” or I am willing to…” or “I believe I can…”
When we tell ourselves at bedtime, something like, “I’m going to catch that fly ball tomorrow,” we are setting up a self-fulfilling prophesy. That means it stands a much better chance of happening because we believe it to be so.
Most affirmations are designed in the present tense, as though they are taking place now. This is important, because if your child tells herself, “Someday I will be happy,” that may very well be true, but this is not a useful affirmation if she needs help now. An affirmation set in the future is just an expression of hope. Now, hope is good, don’t get me wrong; but present blessings are better.
It is also important not to give up. Your child may think, “Ah, nuts, this is doing me any good,” and become lazy or forgetful about reciting them — perhaps even abandon them completely. It is the repetition that makes them work, so consistency is essential.
Older children may become creative in crafting affirmation that fit their specific need. “I care about my friends even when we disagree,” or “There is much more to me than I ever suspected or imagined.” Making a list of their own individual strengths — words to incorporate into their message — will be meaningful.
It is important to keep negative words out of an affirmation. Words like no, not, never, bad, ugly, painful or sad may stick with children at a time when they are trying to eliminate them.
An effective spin on all this is for children to record their affirmations and play them back to themselves, hearing them over and over, in their own voice, at bedtime. If a child’s voice is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep, his message to himself will be ingrained upon his subconscious mind.
Affirmations may also be recited with music. Find a soft, slow and relaxing selection to accompany the recording.
Although bedtime is the most popular time of the day to recite her affirmations (yes, she can do more than one) rising in the morning is an effective time, too. Children may also use them at any time during the day when they feel down, or when they need a boost prior to a spelling test or a ball game.
Finally, affirmations are not effective when your child listens passively to himself, much as he would listen to a droning teacher in the classroom. He needs to really become a part of what he is saying, or hearing.
Of course, the magic of affirmations is not limited to children. Adults can do this, too. Affirmations are a time-honored tool for making things happen.
Robin C. Harris, an 18-year resident of Lake County, is the author of “Journeys out of Darkness, Adventures in Foster Care.” A retired educator, he is a substitute teacher for Lake County schools and has recently completed two works of fiction for children and teens. He is available for tutoring in first through eighth grades. Harris can be contacted at harris.tke@att.net.
