By Robin C. Harris
Bedtime. The cares of their day are over, their successes are behind them. Tomorrow’s a new day. So what’s so important about bedtime?
In a word, everything.
It is not only the culmination of their entire waking experience that day, but the nature of the bedtime experience goes a long way toward determining their quality of life the following morning. Bedtime must be a positive, mesmerizing time.
As a camper at a sleep-away summer camp for many years, I learned the hymn “Now the Day is Over.” It was always the last song sung at the end of the evening campfire. It was a relaxing finish — a quiet and reverent winding down to what could otherwise have been a stimulating experience if we had ended with “The Cat Came Back:” or “Charlie and the MTA.” A few years later, as a counselor at this same camp, I saw how effectively this hymn worked its magic with my charges at bedtime.
A key “tucking in” question I often asked my foster children years later was not, ”How did it go today?” but “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” This elicits focus on a positive and satisfying thought with which to go to sleep. An extension of this might be: “What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?”
A happy bedtime is really, really important.
It is the reason that, in the days when my wife and I directed a residential school, I personally went around to each cabin on our side of the creek and spoke with, said good night and tucked in 14 kids. It took the better part of an hour, and it was, to them, a fitting, loving and compassionate end to their day. As a foster parent several years later, I found it to be even more so. Their bedtimes were problematic, given their fears and unrest in foster care.
Bedtime may have the potential for much difficulty, perhaps fraught with all the tensions and worries that begin to befall any child when the day’s action winds down. In many cases, it was important, for instance, to devote some time to a gentle conversation on the subject of problems they may have faced, or issues about which they were concerned. Wake-up behavior the following morning may be problematic if it requires re-engagement with an issue which was not resolved the night before.
In last week’s column I discussed affirmations. If a child has composed one or more affirmations, lights out is the most effective time of day to recite them.
It is also important to begin slowing down activity well in advance of bedtime. Kids who are goofy as waltzing mice are not good candidates for slumber. Perhaps they are watching television. A shoot-em-up or a splatter flick are not appropriate fare at this time of the evening (and maybe not at all). It’s time now for soft music, perhaps.
A cautionary note here: When it is time for television to end, never perfunctorily turn it off on them. This is disrespectful to them, and probably unnecessary once you have trained them to turn it off on their own when asked to do so.
I have also tried a continued bedtime story with much success — perhaps with one or more of the children as protagonist. Looking forward to the next installment may be the incentive to crawling into bed. Just be sure not to make it too exciting, or leave them with too precipitous a cliffhanger. You want them to fall asleep, not lie awake contemplating the next installment.
If children share a bedroom, some quiet talking or giggling may follow lights out. This need not be a cause for concern, as long as it does not exceed 10 or 15 minutes. In some ways, this is a precious time of their day.
If bedtime has not been a happy and relaxed time in your home, a transition to tranquility may not be right around the corner, but it is a time worth developing. The end of each child’s day is just as important as its beginning.
Robin C. Harris, an 18-year resident of Lake County, is the author of “Journeys out of Darkness, Adventures in Foster Care.” A retired educator, he is a substitute teacher for Lake County schools and has recently completed two works of fiction for children and teens. He is available for tutoring in first through eighth grades. Harris can be contacted at harris.tke@att.net.
