I am a happy person.
I am not ridiculously happy, like a robot clown that cannot feel much of anything, but keeps a perennial appearance of sappiness that is worthless and without meaning. I’ve learned to roll with the punches and come up smiling … and mean it.
When Jeannette, my wife passed away, she (and I) were helped during the two years she was dying by the Hospice Services of Lake County in ways that cannot be measured. For that reason, mostly, and because I wanted the people of Lake County to know and appreciate the work of the hospice services. I offer this information.
Each year the hospice sponsors the Wings of Hope Bereavement Camp. Linda Laing, director of the hospice program, described one of the ways to conquer the destructive elements of grief: “There’s no right or wrong way. We never get over the loss but we do get through it, one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time.”
The vacation at the camp is the best kind of “Time Out.” It sloughs the painful reminders away. They lose some of their sting and the guests come to see their loss in a different way.
When persons, who have lost someone they love, come to the bereavement camp, they are helped enormously.
One woman, when she came, said at first what all sorrowing men and women might say when asked to go to the camp.
“I felt reluctant to be a part of the program. I was scared, anxious and afraid.”
That’s a good description of some of the emotions a grieving person feels. Others feel “bottled up.” They feel life is beyond their control and it probably is until they learn to manage their grief. The camp helps.
At the end of the camp time, those same people had a new attitude. They were more at peace. Like lost children that had been found, they were comforted. They had begun the path of healing.
People sometimes pay millions to get that kind of help. Lake County gives it freely, with an open heart. That’s the way Lake County people are.
Laing, Kathleen Bradley and Michy Brown, three of the hospice’s councilors, know how effective an understanding and compassionate approach to grief can be.
As Laing said, “To speak to others, to verbalize your fears to an audience that understands exactly what you are suffering … that is the best of therapy for one who is grieving.”
The grieving person will never forget the person they lost. They will find a way to get on with the business of living.
Once during a support session, Brown said, “Another good tool for helping one that has lost someone dear to them is letter writing.”
Somehow, when one writes a letter to the person they have lost, and tells them how they feel, how they miss them, how they love them still, a small miracle happens. They see their awful loss in new ways. It helps soften the harsh pain of the sorrow they feel.
The bereavement camp had everything. A professional musician that came all the way from Pennsylvania to perform.
Bradley, one of the hospice councilors, said, “Even the children listened and felt the power of the music to turn them around. If I had never been a customer I would go just because there’s lots to do and the folks are nice.”
Gene Paleno is an author and illustrator living in Witter Springs.
