“I’ve been meaning to join Procrastinators Anonymous, but they keep postponing the meeting.”
The joke is an old one; the actual topic is more serious. Procrastination is an issue we’ve all dealt with on various levels — especially with our kids. Although we all do it, our kids with ADD or ADHD procrastinate more than others. Although it seems harmless, it causes conflicts in personal and professional relationships. For kids, it comes down to avoiding homework, a book report or taking out the garbage.
Outside of their own wants and needs, some kids have no sense of urgency. There is no procrastination gene; it is neither a personality trait nor a character flaw. Procrastination is purposeful behavior. It lets us avoid doing something we would prefer not to do. It may be linked to a fear of failure, a fear of being imperfect or failure to meet expectations which appear impossible.
There may also be some mild rebellion in procrastination. One way for a kid to rebel is to delay what he is asked to do. Something else he wanted to do was more interesting, more compelling. It becomes a habit. And because it is a habit, it can be changed.
At the foster home, Steven was our procrastinator. Whatever could be put off until a little later, or tomorrow, or forever, was put off.
“Steve,” I asked. “Would you please take out the garbage?”
“Yeah, in a minute, dad. I just have to finish this page.”
An hour passed. The garbage was still in its place under the sink.
“Steve, I asked you to take out the garbage.”
“I was just gonna do it. I’ll do it right now. I just have to put my shoes on.”
Still no action on the garbage front. Steven had gone out onto the trampoline. I put the garbage can in his bedroom, on the throw rug right in front of his bed. After I came back inside, I checked his room. There was Steve on his bunk, reading. And there was the garbage can.
“Steve,” more sharply this time, “The garbage.”
“I’m right on it, dad. I’m just about to do it. Geeze.” (That last epithet translates to: “I said I’d do it; you don’t have to nag me about it.”)
Yeah, right.
But maybe a job is just too overwhelming for the kid to contemplate. This is easily solved by breaking it down into smaller components, requesting that each segment be done separately. I may even jump start the action by pitching in and helping with the initial work, then withdrawing and letting him complete it.
A dreaded 200-word book report might be approached more willingly if the child writes 25 words each day.
But with Steve and the garbage can, I had made a simple request — something that would have cost him three minutes of his leisure time, so I learned to withhold a privilege until the job was completed.
“The trampoline is off limits until the garbage is taken out.”
If this is done consistently, the child learns that the line of least resistance is to do it now. Sometimes I use the “magic number,” alluded to in this column last fall.
“Steve,” I would say, “Your magic number is 15.” (The number is arbitrary; it may be 12 or 20.) I write a big 15 on his white board. “Each day, I will ask you to do something. In 15 days, you will have formed the habit of responding to that request immediately. I guarantee it. But if you falter, if you delay, even one time, you have to start over. At the end of 15 days, there’ll be a reward.” (I may have no idea what the reward will be, but I have 15 days to think about it.)
If there are other kids in the family, I bring them all in on it, announcing perhaps a night out for the entire group once Steve completes his last day. Now in on the challenge, they cheer Steve on as the number on the white board diminishes each day.
As for Procrastinators Anonymous, I have no idea what to do about that. Maybe it won’t be necessary.
Robin C. Harris, an 18-year resident of Lake County, is the author of “Journeys out of Darkness, Adventures in Foster Care.” A retired educator, he is a substitute teacher for Lake County schools and has recently completed two works of fiction for children and teens. He is available for tutoring in first through eighth grades. Harris can be contacted at harris.tke@att.net.
