The time for summer camp or a family vacation is fast approaching. And of course it’s always time, year around, for a sleepover at the home of a best friend. Right?
Nope, not for the kid who wets the bed. No way is he going to take a chance on being “found out.”
I’m making my remarks gender specific here because nocturnal enuresis, or bed wetting, is more typically a boy problem. Boys wet the bed three times as much as girls. Some other statistics: Although they usually outgrow it by age 6, 13 percent are still wetting at that age, and 5 percent at the age of 10. This means that in any fifth-grade classroom, one kid in 20 is still wetting the bed. And children with ADHD are three times more likely than their peers to be affected by it. The better news is that most kids have outgrown it by age 13. There is a strong genetic component to enuresis. Parents who were bed wetters as children face a 75 percent chance of having one or more bed-wetting kids.
Historically, we have learned that one-third of adults who were bed wetters as kids were punished for it.
Interestingly, in foster care, fully one-third of my kids came to me as bed wetters. Equally interesting: If they came from abusive homes, the lessening of their anxieties in a safe foster home was often a strong contributing factor in the successful end of the issue. Primary enuresis is the inherited developmental delay, but secondary enuresis is seen in some foster children who, having outgrown it, return to it later on. Emotional reasons are at work in this instance. If a child resumes bed wetting, it may be sue to new fears and anxieties.
Except to the extent that it is grossly inconvenient and highly embarrassing, bed wetting, is not a big deal. OK, that’s probably tantamount to suggesting that except for the incident at Ford’s Theater, Mrs. Lincoln would have enjoyed the play; because for the kid, it’s a very big deal. The 10-year-old boy whose peers have just called him a baby, has been dealt the most egregious of insults. Yet, he has a lot of company. An estimated seven million kids nationwide are bed wetters. They can suffer significant psychosocial stress, exhibit low self-esteem, perform poorly in school, and be subject to feelings of shame, guilt and failure. Not only the child, but the entire family suffers. There is an increase in time and effort associated with cleaning and replacing bedding and pajamas. The washer runs every day.
Other kids in the family resent changes of plans, and limits placed on activities because one child is a bed wetter. Of course, it’s not his fault. Because it’s a developmental delay (development of the bladder is slower than usual), your child’s own control over it ranges from little to none. Knowing this will help him (and you), but that’s not much comfort at that disheartening moment when he wakes up wet. Your own reaction at these times must be caring and gentle. If you heave a sigh of exasperation at wake-up time, you have delivered a terrible message. Keeping that exasperation to yourself, you soldier on, remaining positive throughout the tenure of this issue.
We’ve now examined the problem. Next week we’ll look at solutions.
Robin C. Harris, an 18-year resident of Lake County, is the author of “Journeys out of Darkness, Adventures in Foster Care.” A retired educator, he is a substitute teacher for Lake County schools and has recently completed two works of fiction for children and teens. He is available for tutoring in first through eighth grades. Harris can be contacted at harris.tke@att.net.
