GLENHAVEN ESTATES >> Trifecta. Threepeat. Hat trick. Pick you favorite phrase because no matter how you slice or dice it, no matter what phrase you use to describe it, The Dawg is the real value meal.
Lake County’s peerless pony prognosticator has now picked the Kentucky Derby winner for the Record-Bee and its readers in three straight years and five of the last. He successfully predicted Nyquist would win the 142nd Run for the Roses last weekend at Churchill Downs and that’s what happened. Yes, Nyquist was the 2-1 favorite but favorites don’t always win it … only about 35 percent of the time. The trick is picking the winner, favorite or not, and The Dawg did it again. His plush 45-acre spread in Glenhaven is now a sprawling 72-acre expanse as he relocated some of the local sharecroppers.
“Hey, that’s no one’s business but my own,” The Dawg snarled while counting his $100 bills. “I got tired of smelling their local produce every night.”
The Dawg’s three-Derby winning streak is a personal record and he’ll be the first one to howl with the achievement even though his secondary function last Saturday was to make sure that a long shot came in second in order to improve the exacta payout, which stunk more than his neighbor’s cash crop.
“I don’t bet exactas bub,” The Dawg snapped. “I let old guys like yourself do that. It’s not my fault the odds for Nyquist and Exaggerator weren’t that good. I bet on winners and they make me money.”
True, but he could at least throw a bone or two to his underlings, which he clearly did not do this year, instead turning Jacksons into Hamiltons and Abes.
“I much prefer Grants and Franklins,” The Dawg said. “I’m not even sure what those other guys look like. I don’t even know who they are.”
OK, The Dawg is not a U.S. History buff but he does handicap a mean race even if the odds stink.
“Don’t be crying all over my Franklins,” The Dawg said. “It makes them harder to stack and sometimes they stick. Go cry on your Washingtons.”
True to his word, The Dawg, after first adding acreage to his Glenhaven manor, kicked in a few bucks to his favorite presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton.
“A few bucks couldn’t hurt her,” The Dawg said. “The does certainly didn’t hurt Bill.”
OK, so The Dawg isn’t Mr. Politically Correct. His manners also leave something to be desired on occasion.
“Me, are you talking about me?” The Dawg growled. “I’ll have you know I’m house trained and better yet, I’m not making bad bets at the racetrack like a lot of you old sports hacks. Next time let me bet your money. Please don’t tell me you pick the stocks that go into your 401K.”
Alas, The Dawg speaks the truth … he is house trained.
“Hey, any time you want me turn to all that money you bet into all those coins you’re now holding, let me know and I’ll get you some coin wrappers so you don’t have to carry all that loose change,” The Dawg yowled. “All that clinking I heard when you walked into the room, it sounded like bells on a reindeer.”
Nyquist, still undefeated in his career, moves to the Preakness Stakes on May 21. Is The Dawg picking him to win the second jewel in the Triple Crown?
“I don’t handicap the Preakness or Belmont,” The Dawg snapped. “I told you that before but you don’t listen. Those are minor league races compared to the Kentucky Derby. Besides, I don’t think I can stuff anymore money into my safe. It’s bursting now.”
Well, that will do it until 2017 when The Dawg tries to turn his hat track into a hambone.
