My daughter asked me for something she could quote on her Facebook page that would be inspirational. I suppose, because I am so much older than most, I’ve learned some special secret about life. I haven’t. In spite of living as long as I have, I am the last person to ask for such a thing. What I can do is to tell you about my personal experience.
I believe that the greatest challenge anyone will ever face may be to live longer than they thought they would. To discover that you are losing, or you have lost, the physical strength you had when you were young, is hard to accept for some of us.
It’s expected. We all grow older from the moment of conception. It will continue to be the human condition … until somebody discovers the secret of immortality. When I was a young man working my farm, I tossed hundred and fifty hay bales around like they were toys. I never thought it would be otherwise. But time takes its toll. Now, when I walk, it’s an effort to carry my groceries into the house or bring my coffee and oatmeal from the kitchen to the bedroom at breakfast… and not drop the bowl or fall down.
Growing older is perfectly okay with me as long as my mind is clear and I can keep writing. Having heard me complain, you may ask, ‘What on earth makes you get up each morning filled with enthusiasm, and happy to greet the day?’
I wasn’t always this way. In my younger days, I had a lot to learn about people and, most of all, about myself. I don’t know what changed me. Perhaps it was personal tragedy, perhaps it was the many mistakes I made (and continue to make) in the course of my more than ninety years on this planet. Perhaps I’ve learned something from my mistakes, I hope I have.
The answer as to how a person can change from being a joyless, negative person completely centered on oneself, to a purposeful life with a joy in living, is a recipe that was, for me, a little hard to learn. The first most important thing that changed my way of seeing things, was being married to good, strong woman for fifty years. I also think personal tragedy in one’s life may, in a macabre sense, grease the skids to make us change. I know it did for me. That happened after years of watching my wife, Jeannette, find it harder and harder to breath each day, and holding her in my arms when she died.
Abraham Lincoln said, ‘Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’ William James, one of America’s greatest psychologists, said, ‘Feeling follows function.’ That is, if you act or speak a certain way, your subconscious, which is a dumb, unthinking part of your brain, believes you implicitly. It will send those same orders to your physical self.
It works both ways. Fearful? Pretend and act as though you are brave and you become brave. Do you feel hopeless? Pretend and act as if you are enthusiastic and, lo and behold, you will become hopeful and enthusiastic.
One other thing. If you are also lucky enough to pinpoint and develop some skill in your life, no matter your age, and that thing becomes your passion, it will give you the joy I speak of.
Do I ever get depressed or down-hearted, living alone and growing older? Sometimes, but only for a second or two. That’s when I pick up the phone and call someone to listen to their troubles and hear them out. It cures me fast. Help others when you can. All you and I will leave behind, when we take our departure, is what we have done for others.
Life is wonderful and we live in a glorious age of science and adventure. You and I are an important part of that miracle and it is our duty and responsibility to live it to the fullest.
Gene Paleno is a columnist and book author living in Witter Springs
