Creative expressions is a space for local poets and writers to share their work. Creative expressions is edited by Richard Schmidt and Diana Liebe. For information or to submit your original work, e-mail rvschmidt2@gmail.com.
Black Friday
By R.V.Schmidt
Elmore, Slim and Jimmy had been sortin cows all day, and they finally caught that Clara steer they planned to haul away.
We’ll put him in that open top and wrap him up real tight then we’ll haul him to the auction and get cleaned up for tonight.
We have to be at Sideways Jack’s for his Thanksgiving spread and if we don’t get there in time we surely won’t get fed.
Well Clara was a longhorn cross and had a roany hide and pointy horns that tip to tip were easy six feet wide.
I know it sounds peculiar so I’ll let you know right now, old Clara was a woman’s name but Clara weren’t no cow.
See Elmore had a wife one time and Clara was her name, she rode and roped just like a man and never did get tame.
She kept that steer to practice on, bulldogging was her sport. She started twisting on him when his horns were fairly short.
Well Clara started getting mean so Elmore let her go, I hear she’s somewhere wrestling steers and chasing rodeos.
She left behind that roany steer she used to practice on, so Elmore named him Clara and was thankful she was gone.
By the time our cowboys got old Clara to the loading pen they’d lost some blood and clothing and were pretty much done in.
Slim picked up a hot shot and Jimmy got a twig and they pushed and prodded Clara till they got him in the rig.
They made a snap decision as they watched the setting sun, they’d wait until tomorrow then they’d make that auction run.
So they used up all their lariats to captivate that beast and hauled the whole shebang to Cobb for Jack’s Thanksgiving feast.
A bunch of folks were drinking beer out in Jack’s front yard and staring at a vat of grease that was boiling pretty hard.
Jack came out the front door with a turkey he had shot and put it on a hay hook then he dipped it in the pot.
Well the turkey was much bigger than the recipe required so grease spilled out and down the sides and caught the thing on fire.
Jimmy’s pant legs were in tatters from his battle with that steer and started flaming as he ran and nearly scorched his ears.
When he dove into a bathtub full of beers and melting ice Slim and Elmore laughed real loud and dunked him once or twice.
Even though Jack had a mitten his fist got bar-b-cued but he never even sniveled and he held on to the food.
He made it to the table, slapped the turkey on a plate and yelled “Our supper’s ready boys, let’s eat, it’s getting late”.
While old Jimmy sat a shiverin in his steaming charbroiled clothes, he made a declaration “Got to have me one of those.”
“They sell ‘em at the Walmart store.” old Jim heard Elmore say, “When we head up to that auction we can get one on the way.”
Well they ate the tail end of the bird cause that part was mostly done, and finished off the candied yams and home-made sticky buns.
Then a night of beer and poker and Jack having all the luck, they woke up hung way over in the cab of Elmore’s truck.
“Lets get this rig a movin,’” Jimmy whined and yawned. “We can make it out to Williams and the Walmart before dawn.”
“We’ll snag a turkey fryer and put Clara in the sale and be back on Cobb for cocktails boys let’s cut a dusty trail.”
They pulled into the parking lot a short time before dawn, and found that any place to park was already long gone.
Jim said, “Stay right here Elmore, and leave the motor run, and me and Slim will get in line to get our shopping done.”
Well the line was close to ten yards long and nearly twice as wide, so Jimmy tried cut in front and get himself inside.
A woman with sleeve tattoo rolled Jimmy in a ball and flung that cowboy through the air and bounced him off the wall.
About that time a bell went off and speakers from above squawked, “Welcome to Black Friday folks, please don’t push or shove.”
I’d like to say I’ve been around a stampede once or twice but compared to frenzied shoppers a stampede’s kinda nice.
Slim and Jimmy went down fast and got kicked through the door by slippers, pumps and tennis shoes and rolled across the floor.
Slim crawled into a doghouse that was shaped like an igloo and Jim got in another one whose price was cut in two.
There was housewives in pajamas there was children up the shelves and Santa Clause got trampled flat along with all his elves.
The line outside had turned into a swelling surging throng and Elmore snored right through it cause he’d been up all night long.
Clara spooked and broke his bindings in about a hundred places, when he come out of that open top you oughta seen the faces
of the late arriving shoppers that were left outside the store, and the way our cowboys eyes bugged out when Clara hit the door.
Handbags and a string of lights were hanging round his head and a bunch of giant candy canes with stripes of white and red.
Mothers quaked, children wailed, some men broke down and cried when Clara hit those igloos with our cowboys tucked inside.
Them dog dens were still spinnin’ as Clara charged and tore out a hundred retail counters and crashed through the exit door.
He trampled twinkling reindeer, he knocked kings and camels down and flattened plastic forests before hitting open ground.
Slim staggered to the parking lot and broke up Elmore’s rest, while Jimmy screamed, “Step on the gas and get us heading west.”
When our heroes hit the bunkhouse they made a solemn vow, they told it to me last month I’ll repeat it to you now.
“We’ll roast our turkey in a stove for our next Thanksgiving snack and stay away from Walmart stores on Fridays that are black.”
I went by there this morning while those boys were still in bed and in the yard was Clara with those lights around his head.
He was tearing at the porch posts with his long old pointy horns, waiting for those three cowboys to start their Christmas morn.
I stopped my rig and spun the wheel and quickly made a U and swore that if I owned that steer I’d change his name to Stew.
