UPPER LAKE >> In a circle of about 50 people, 15-year-old Parker Toney observed as younger children jumped with excitement during a drumming exercise at Wings of Hope Camp on Monday. There was something about their laughter and genuine enthrallment to the activity that took the teenager back seven years ago, the first time he sat in the circle.
At the early of six, Toney had lost both his parents. His mother passed away due to health complications, he said, and just eight months later his father died suddenly at the age of 44.
“I didn’t get to see [my mother] that much, but when I did it was pretty nice…and my father was a firefighter for 16 years. The year that he died he won Hero of the Year in Lake County,” he added. The death of his father, Frank Toney, was mourned by not only his family but hundreds in the community. The 44-year-old was a volunteer fireman in Clearlake Oaks, a little league coach, CalTrans employee, and medic among other things.
In 2010, Frank Toney’s brother said he retired from firefighting to spend more time with his son, adding that “Out of all the things that he did to make this a better place, the greatest joy in his life was being a dad to his son Parker.”
The loss of both parents took an impact in the young boy’s life. To help cope with the deaths, his grandmother Sue Burton decided to bring Parker Toney to the Wings of Hope Camp, where together they sat in a circle along with other families who had lost a loved one for a similar exercise.
Today, Parker Toney volunteers at the camp, helping people as young as five years old recover from similar losses.
Wings of Hope is a three-day, bereavement camp hosted by Hospice Services of Lake County at the Saratoga Springs Resort in Upper Lake. Children with families and caregivers who experienced the death of someone close participate in structured activities designed for healing. Massage therapy, equestrian and dog therapy, and creative expression activities such as painting and drumming are among the multiple events held for attendees.
“[Here] we continue to honor the person in their lives and their heart, but it’s also about being able to help the people who have not had the tools and the support and the articulation to transform that to a continuing honor and hope. We really are all about hope,” Jo Moore, camp director and bereavement counselor with Hospice Services of Lake County said Monday.
On Monday, 10 families, including 17 children, gathered in the circle to partake in Josh Robinson’s drumming exercise. He is an international grief counselor and group leader who has returned to Lake County for the camp year after year. He recently flew to Parkland, Florida where he worked with those affected by the mass school shooting that left 17 students and staff dead in February. Attendees of the camp learned about releasing feelings of anger and sadness into peace and acceptance through a series of rhythms. After a couple of group and individual sessions, participants expressed having feelings of, “relief,” “love,” and “joy.”
This year, Moore said, signups increased. She attributes that to outreach done in schools across the county, which has shown to improve attendance, attitude and help with grief. “We talk a lot about planting seeds, being aware of more support,” which has moved children to invite the conversation at home with parents who sometimes have a harder time discussing the loss, she added. Families from in and outside the county attended this year, coping with losing someone to cancer, suicide, car accidents, and fires.
“Our whole community, with the fires, in particular, has really been impacted,” Moore explained. “The awareness of death and the issues that come up are that much more poignant and impacting.”
But while everyone arrives from different walks of pain, campers testify to the positive outcomes of surrounding oneself with the experienced volunteers and others who have gone through similar grief.
Moore said, “If we get lost and buried in depression and denial, which are all normal, but then use the tools to normalize and find a safe place, people find that calmness is in connection with others.”
During the three days at the resort, which has little to no cellphone reception, participants find an invitation to be with one another and look at a healthy choice for the future.
Janine Smith-Citron, Director of Development at Hospice Services, said: “families are not alone.” Over 30 volunteers, who have also lost someone in their lives, assist with everything from camp setup to listening to a camper share their story ¬— among them, Parker Toney.
He shared:
“I kept returning because of the people and how they made us feel like a family with such a deep subject that’s hard to talk about. It makes you feel good, and I wanted to help other people. There were tons of people my age and younger that I’ve bonded with, like Joseph, who I’d say, is like my brother. Now I help out with certain events and bond with others. I don’t know what [campers] are going through, but I can pick up on their vibes and take it from there. I see myself doing this in the coming years.”
The camp is made possible every year through fundraisers like Hike for Hospice, generous contributions from community members and organizations like the Redbud Health Care District and grants from the Lake County Behavioral Health Department.
For more information about Hospice Services of Lake County and upcoming events, visit www.lakecountyhospice.org/.
