During the recent storm, the top of my chimney flew off. The chimney cap with the spark arrestor along with the fireplace flue tile. Fortunately it landed on the side of the house rather than on my car.
In talking with my Michigander cousin, he told of how a squirrel had gotten into his house. My imagination went wild with what creatures could plop down my chimney like Santa Clause along with rain from the ongoing storm.
I told my cousin about the time, while living in Sri Lanka, that there was a loud commotion in my kitchen. My Rhodesian Ridgeback, Toby, was growling and barking at something. Turns out it was a giant 5-foot water monitor that had tried to escape Toby by running up the side door of the dining room; a paned glass door with a grilled door on the inside. The creature was in between the two doors.
Coaxing Toby into my office wasn’t easy but once there, I locked him in and went back to the dining room. The monitor (think big ugly Komodo-like dragon creature) had made its way to the kitchen. I remember having a broom in hand but that was impossible as the brooms were in the second kitchen on the other side of the main kitchen. I do remember saying, “Shoo, shoo!” and waving my arms.
“Right back at you,” it hissed. Which scared the crap out of me! The door to the outside from the second kitchen was open and I was trying to make him escape that way but his (I think it was a him) tail whipped around as he hissed at me and I bolted for the office where Toby and I hid out for a good long time.
That wasn’t the only creature to make its way into my house. One morning I was editing photos at my desk when I saw a giant snake about 6-feet long slither silently on the floor next to my desk. I jumped up, shrieking and ran out of the office slamming the door behind me.
I had no idea what kind of snake it was, not being knowledgeable about snakes in Sri Lanka except for vipers. It wasn’t a viper but it was big!
Being alone in the house with no one to help me, except Toby, I ran across the street to get help from the neighbor. As I explained with my limited Sinhala and lots of hand gestures, the man of the house and his worker came over to investigate.
I might as well have asked two timid church mice to wrangle the snake. The men carefully opened the door a crack and peeked in. By their demeanor, I knew they wouldn’t be able to help so I went inside the room and saw the snake go behind the floor to ceiling bookcase. There was no moving that behemoth so I opened the door to the outside, hoping the snake would prefer the garden rather than my bookcase. I thanked the men and sent them on their way, shutting the office door connecting to the house. I then declared the rest of the day a holiday and went up to my bedroom with Toby and watched movies. With the door closed.
The worst creature I’ve had in this Lake County house, was a bat. Somehow I got it back outside swinging towels to block it from going into my bedroom. Little as it was, the bat was scary.
I didn’t want any creatures coming down my fireplace so my handy dandy handyman said he’d be over soon. In the meantime, the flue in the fireplace was closed so hopefully there would be nothing making its way inside. I imagined the fireplace scene of Hitchcock’s movie “The Birds” where thousands of starlings poured out.
Scary stuff.
This small bit of storm damage is nothing compared to my neighbors’, whose 100-foot redwood tree with about a 5-foot diameter, uprooted and fell across their front yard and the neighbors’ yard, landing on the neighbors’ truck. If only it was Christmas time they could’ve chopped the top of the tree off and decorate it.
What’s a girl to do until Mr Handyman gets here?…a little stress eating sounds good.
Lucy Llewellyn Byard is currently a columnist for the Record-Bee. To contact her, email lucywgtd@gmail.com
