A long time ago, I went to a group awareness event (self help program). It took place on a yacht and it was expensive.
The group leader was a tall skinny blonde chick who berated everyone in the yacht’s salon. Her style didn’t suit me. However, there was one fellow who seemed to lap it up. He told me that he had been to the event six times, to the tune of around $15,000. I didn’t say it out loud but I certainly thought, “Dude if you’ve been to this event six times, you must not have gotten anything out of it.” Or perhaps he just liked being browbeaten. Weird.
At one point, the skinny chick focused on me, specifically my hair, which was very short and my natural color at the time; salt and pepper. More salt.
She battered me with questions about my family, especially my dead father and brother. She strongly suggested that I kept my hair short and natural as a badge of pain.
At that time I used to get probably 10 compliments a week about my hair. No joke! I’d always gotten compliments on my hair, be it long or short, dark brown or silver. Why in the world would I change it when it was easy to care for and drew so many compliments? Stupid woman, the group leader.
I decided that I was better off as a lone wolf rather than one of the group awareness sheep.
When I left the yacht, I stopped at a small shop for something to drink. As I left the shop a tall good looking Black man called out to me, “Mama, I love your hair!”
I laughed and thanked him. So much for my supposed badge of pain.
In Sri Lanka where I lived for 14 years, some people had a strange way of greeting me. They would say, “Oh Madam, you’re so fat.”
I heard that so many times. At first I thought maybe it referred to me has having wealth that allowed me to get fat! But that wasn’t the case. I got sick of it.
An educated man, who had been to the U.S. many times said that to me and I blasted him. I said, “If you said that to a woman in the U.S., she would slap your face.” That surprised him. Seriously?
I plotted my reply for the next person to say how fat I was. In Sri Lanka, the color of skin is very important; the lighter, the better. I chickened out on replying with that. Too racist, and not my manner (even though it would shut that person up forever).
When a young woman I had known slightly for a couple of years greeted me with, “Oh Madam, you’re so fat.” I said to her, “And you, too!”
“No, I’m not!” she sputtered back at me.
I grinned. She never greeted me like that again.
And why greet someone with an insult? I often will see a woman with a cool outfit, or something nice and I take a moment to tell her/them that I like what she is wearing. Women have always replied with a smile and a thanks. Even a bit of a surprised thanks that someone walking past them would take the time to compliment them.
Just spreading a little joy. A little positivity. At no cost to anyone.
What’s a girl to do? Keep spreading the joy. Why not?
Lucy Llewellyn Byard is currently a columnist for the Record-Bee. To contact her, email lucywgtd@gmail.com
