I’m afraid I’m going to break my jaw. Or break my teeth.
Why?
I’m trying to open a large jar of green olives. Been trying for three days. They’re the kind with pimentos in them. I wonder if the ones with garlic in them would be easier to open.
I’ve used a rubber cone that doesn’t quite fit over the lid. Tried opening it with my dominant right hand then my left hand. Holding it with a towel. Without a towel. Pounded it on the counter and on the floor. Nothing.
My friend Penny suggested running hot water over the jar. Normally I would have already tried that method but forgot about it. Not successful.
Once I asked my neighbor to open a stubborn jar. That worked. He’s not talking to me now so that’s out.
My mom used to have a metal gizmo that gripped the lid, no matter the size, and with your hand you locked it in and then twisted the top. That always worked but I don’t have that gizmo.
I’d buy jars of jam at the farmers market and once home, I could never open them. So I began asking the farmer selling the jam jars to open them for me. If he couldn’t open them then I wouldn’t buy them.
Amazon has plenty of “grippers.” The only one they don’t sell is a husband. Husbands have worked in the past but it’s actually easier to buy canned olives than get a husband to open a jar.
WTH? A stupid jar of olives! Green ones at that. I only began liking them recently.
My cousin said he envisions the jar exploding in my hand. Something else to worry about.
My housekeeper in Sri Lanka would use my good German knives to pry jars open. She didn’t last after I saw that happen. She also use the chicken bone clippers on the shrub outside the front door. Seriously?
A friend came over for a short visit and I led her directly into the kitchen, showed her the olive jar and crossed my fingers that she could open it. She tapped it on the floor and opened it without a grimace or a grunt. Show off.
Since the olives have become available, I’ve been eating them for breakfast, lunch and dinner and in between. This morning I had two eggs over-easy on angel hair pasta with a side of green olives. Something I’ve never eaten before. That tough lid has made me crazy.
Many of my friends have all related. What about you, readers?
My father was a golfer (zero handicap) and he’d use a gizmo to strengthen his hands. I’d see him squeezing it daily. Maybe I should find a similar gizmo and strengthen my hands just so I can open jars. Forget golf, I was never much good at it. I did enjoy it for awhile, until I dislocated my left shoulder on my backswing. (Who does that?)
Is it aging that makes it hard to open jars? Could it be arthritis? Is it a conspiracy on part of the jar/lid industry?
Some Internet sites say it’s for food safety. It’s the vacuum seal. One site says that more than 70% of consumers surveyed have friends and family who struggle to open jars.
Another site says that grip strength can be the limiting factor and doing grip-intensive exercises such as chin-ups and deadlifts would help.
Seriously? No wonder I can’t open a jar – I have never been able to do a chin-up! And as far as deadlifts – getting up from the couch is my deadlift limit.
What’s a girl to do?… buy a bunch of jar-opening gizmos, or get my neighbor to start talking to me again. Then he could open my jars!
Lucy Llewellyn Byard welcomes comments and shares. To contact her, email lucywgtd@gmail.com
