What do you have in common with your spouse, your best friend, your mother or father?
I’ll start with spouse, or in my case spouses. Ex-husband No.1…we had lust in common. We were so young that I didn’t really have more than that in common with him. Except a friend of ours broke his neck and we had visiting the friend in common. The Viet Nam war was happening and we both had ideas about that, except what I didn’t realize was the boyfriend/ex-husband realized that if he married me, he’d get a deferment, a get-out-of-the-draft card.
I asked others what they had in common with spouses, family, best friends and my friend Dennis said, “Jo and I met in choir in junior college. So we’ve had music in common our entire lives. We have performed in many different kinds of venues from sophisticated classical chorales to silly stage musicals.”
A woman who helped me get the abandoned kittens in my neighborhood spayed and neutered, said, “My parents bred chow chows. I remembered those dogs with a lot of joy. So, I think I have always been drawn to people who also love dogs. One of my best friends runs a dog and cat rescue.” No wonder she was so ready to help the abandoned kittens.
I found in research that individuals who share similar interests, beliefs, experiences, or characteristics, allowing them to relate to each other more easily and potentially form stronger connections.
When I first moved to Lake County, I knew from experience that it would take a while to make friends, so too fast forward that, I joined the Writers’ Circle in Lakeport and found like-minded people whom I could relate to. Eight years later, I’m still friends with several.
Another friend who has strong ties with others plays Dungeons and Dragons with groups around the lake. Showing up and playing the game almost instantly becomes a community where people have a goal to achieve therefore making connections.
Another person responded to my question. She said, “I have often wondered what Bill and I have in common. This sounds funny, but after 60 years of marriage…not much! He is not a social guy. I am a very social person. I love to have people over, like to party, love a lot of friends. He would go to the barn and never come out. I am generous, he is frugal. I am forgiving and he holds a grudge. He is not a good loser, I just love to play the game. But his strengths fortify my weaknesses and my strengths soften his hard spots. I believe in the old saying “opposites attract.” My father was a good natured, happy, generous man. He could talk your leg off. I’d like to think I have a lot in common with him. I also have a lot in common with my mother who “loved to play the game.” She was competitive and so am I. I had four sisters with whom I shared more than I didn’t. My best friend is Sandy and we are both crazy…especially when we are together.”
I sometimes think that to have a good connection, you have to be good friends, trusting friends. My last husband and I had scuba diving in common. I trusted him explicitly while diving because he knew his stuff. The bad connection we had was he worked for me and although he was a great salesperson, he wasn’t always the most – should I say – honest. I had to constantly rein him in and that got old. We didn’t have beliefs in common.
What’s a girl to do? Stick to my writer friends.
Lucy Llewellyn Byard welcomes comments and shares. To contact her, email lucywgtd@gmail.com
